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"I had begun my career by suppressing my liberal social values to get ahead in conservative movement: I then abandoned conservative traditions of restraint & civility for Gingrichian ends justify means radicalism. As closeted gay man, I did work of right wing lawyers of Federalist Society, Christian Coalition & worst bigots from Arkansas - racist, homophobic Clinton haters. Through it all - destructive partisanship, careerism, personal aggrandizement - in my mind I managed to rationalize each of my actions & hold on to idea that I wasn't like Ruddys, Scaifes, Falwells, Tyrrells, Funds - I was better than they were. Whatever else I may have been, I wasn't liar. But I was no better than Arkansas Project brigade after all. Strange lies were mine. All attacks, hateful rhetoric, dark alliances & strange conspiracies, eye for eye, nuts & sluts, defending Pinochet, throwing grenades, carpet bombing White House, Bob Bork, Bob Tyrrell, Bob Dornan, Bob Bartley, Bob Barr - it all led right here: I lost my soul."
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